Chapter Twelve

A/N: First & foremost, characters belong to the enchanting Stephenie Meyer, but The Pin-Up Girl belongs to me, Cozmedic.

Thanks bunches:
To my editor…by the way…these quotes are in response to your “Lobotomy & tights” comment…

“Don’t mess with the bull young man, you’ll get the horns.” Breakfast Club, 1984 & “Everyone wants to be me!” Overboard, 1987

Think you can out-quote me? I think NOT! (*BAM!*)

Chapter Twelve –

Under normal circumstances, I loved the L.A. rain…one minute it was hard and furious, the next minute, tame and gentle. Tonight, it served only as a nuisance.

I wove my way through the curvy streets of Benedict Canyon trying to find a phone booth. Much to my dismay, the only one I could find in Benedict Canyon was in the middle of no man’s land, two miles from Edith’s home.

I fussed with the cash in my pocket to discover two lonely nickels backing their way into the recesses of my slack’s pocket.

I picked up the black receiver and dialed ‘0’ on the rotary.

The operator picked up immediately, “Directory services, may I help you?”

“Chateau Marmont on Sunset.”

“Five cents please.”

I dropped in my nickel and waited.

One ring….two rings…three rings…

“Chateau Marmont, this is Andrew, how may I assist you today?”

“Andrew, this is Mr. Cullen. I am looking for a Ms. Swan. She may have checked in this evening.”

“Just a moment, Mr. Cullen,” he paused, papers rustling in the background, “Uh…I don’t see anyone checking by the name of Swan.”

“Thank you, Andrew.”

“You’re welcome sir. If I can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to call.”

In frustration, I slammed the telephone down and walked back to my car.

All I could do was drive. And smoke.

I became more aggravated with every minute I wasted searching the streets for her face. For the better part of two hours, I wound my way through Benedict Canyon, finally succumbing to defeat.

I was tired. I was hungry. I needed a drink. My throat was raw from smoking too much. And to add insult to injury, I was freezing cold and caked with mud.

Is she still worth it, Cullen?

For the millionth time since she left me in the pounding rain, I reminded myself that she was worth it.

Worth every scar of pain, torture, frustration, and worry.

Abso-fucking-lutely.

Bella was also worth every ounce of happiness and love that I knew we were capable of.

If she just gave us a chance.

I was willing to give us a chance. And if she loved me, she would be willing to do the same. Not give up after one day.

One fucking day.

Like it was a glimmering little piece of hope in a world full of dismal gloom, the Chateau Marmont sign blinked a knowing nod of neon blue and pink as I pulled into the entrance off of Sunset Boulevard.

Why am I here? I should just go home.

Under the safety of the canopy, I put the car into park and hopped out.

She may be here. You know that’s why you came tonight, Cullen.

I was a fool.

“Welcome to the Chateau Marmont. My name is Vincent. Anything you need, I’m your man.” Vincent eyeballed me as I handed him my keys.

“Thank you, Vincent. I’m Edward Cullen.” Vincent had a solid handshake and a warm greeting emulating from his face.

“Nice to meet you, Edward Cullen. Forgive me for being so bold, sir, but it looks like you are in need of a warm brandy and a valet to take that suit and burn it.” Vincent chuckled as he removed my suitcase from the confines of the trunk.

I laughed a bit looking down at my appearance. I had to agree with Vincent. I was a mess.

“Vincent, that’s a brilliant idea. I would love someone to fetch the suit and burn it. And I think I definitely need that brandy.”

“Yes, sir.” Vincent replied. He motioned for me to follow him into the golden glow of the entrance’s hallway, leading to the lobby. A low-lit golden tone emulated from the small table lamps that sat next to the smaller outdoor-type couches that graced the larger-than-normal corridor.

We reached the lobby’s front service area.

Vincent dropped my suitcase with a slight thud and began ringing the tiny silver bell that sat dutifully on the front desk with a distinguished fever that reverberated through the walls of the hotel’s lobby.

A very well-put-together man appeared in a small archway behind the desk.

He seemed to brighten when he saw my face, “Can I help you?” His gold name tag read “Andrew”. The same chap I spoke to on the phone.

“Good evening, Andrew. My name is Edward Cullen. I have a reservation for a cottage.”

Andrew peeked over his wire-rimmed glasses at my appearance, than began to filter through the many names on the registry.

As if he had caught Andrew staring, Vincent chimed in, “Mr. Cullen has had an evening filled with…unfortunate difficulties, Andrew. Can you please get some brandy up to this poor man as soon as possible? And send the valet up to fetch his suit. Burn it and replace it with another. Will that suffice, Mr. Cullen?”

Andrew continued to look through the register, acknowledging the tall, dark man next to me with a curt nod.

“Vincent, it has been a pleasure.” I replied palming him a ten dollar bill.

“Anything, sir. I know the look of someone who could use a pick me up every now and again.” With that, Vincent smiled and walked back underneath his white awning, snapping his fingers and throwing my keys to the nearest valet.

“Mr. Cullen, you are in the penthouse this evening.” He gave me the burgundy registry book and an elegant, black pen.

The penthouse? Heidi must’ve felt extremely guilty.

As I scribbled, Andrew replied, “Brandy has already been sent up to Ms. Stewart over an hour ago. Would you like me to send up the filets she requested, now that you’re here sir?”

Ms. Stewart?

I stopped scribbling, my gaze still locked on the registry’s chicken scratches, “Ms. Stewart? You mean Ms. Swan?”

“No, sir. Ms. Swan is not here. Ms. Stewart is here.” I looked up, with obvious confusion clouding my etched features.

Andrew’s voice dropped to a whisper, even though there was no one around. His head bent close to mine. “Sir, we here at the Chateau are famous for the discretion and privacy of our patrons. Please be aware of that fact.” Andrew straightened up and began again, “Ms. Stewart, the beautiful swan that flitted in about an hour ago, has upgraded you to the penthouse for the next two weeks. She gave me very specific instructions that you are not to be bothered unless we were notified in advance. The room is only to be cleaned once every few days and only upon instruction from you. I was to send up several hundred candles and six dozen long stemmed roses. I was also to call her upon your arrival, which I have done.”

My Bella was here. She came back.

A slight smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as all the frustration and aggravation of the evening began to melt away. She had that effect on me.

Six dozen roses, two filets, brandy, and candles?

Andrew slid the brass key across the high-shined countertop, the number ‘64’ etched into the wooden key fob in thick gold numbers, “Mr. Cullen, I was also told that you may leave your suitcase. Vincent will drop it by in the morning. Ms. Stewart has accommodated you accordingly for the evening.”

I slid the key into the pocket of my slacks as Andrew pointed the way to the penthouse elevator shaft.

******

Lyle, the elevator man, smiled as I disembarked the lift car. He sized up my shattered appearance as the doors closed on his hovering presence.

I know, I know. Burn the suit.

I walked down the black and white tiled hallway to the suite’s door.

64

I sighed heavily. I didn’t want to seem over-eager, but all I wanted to do was fall into her arms.
The key in my hand suddenly felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as I slipped it in the tumbler and twisted it to the left. The lock gave way easily.

I walked into the dimly lit room. It was nothing short of breathtaking.

Candles were lying in wait all over the room. The overwhelming scent of vanilla accosted me as I stepped into the large foyer.

The front door clicked shut. I locked it.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered from a darkened corner of the living room. I barely made out a slight bulky shadow draped over one of the large armchairs.

Oh, God in heaven, I love you and I’m sorry.

“Don’t say anything right now. Just walk into the bathroom. Don’t turn on any lights. I’ll be there in a minute.” Bella’s sexy voice dripped in remorse.

Without a word, I found my way amongst the pillars of expensive hotel furniture to the bathroom. I pushed the door open and was assaulted with the source of the overwhelming smell of vanilla and roses.

Bella had draped every possible inch of the small bathroom in petals and candles.

Steam billowed off of the still bathwater in the princess tub that lay to the right of me. Deep red rose petals bobbed with elegant grace on the water’s surface. The candle flames flickered in the reflection of the small, mirrored glass cabinet door like some fantastical wood nymphs in a fairy tale. I caught my haggard face in its reflection. I brought my hand up to my five o’ clock shadow.

Jesus, this is what the woman has done to me in four hours of hell…

I watched Bella in the mirror as she walked up behind me in her bare feet. Her normally tamed mane was hanging in her face in wet tendrils. Her hands were in the pockets of her thick terrycloth hotel robe, her head hanging down like she was ashamed of herself.

She was so easy to read.

I wanted to turn around, wrap my arms around her waist and cover her in kisses.

But I didn’t. I just stood there watching her in the mirror, waiting for my next instruction.

“I’m sorry.” She repeated again.

She looked up briefly. I caught her face in the mirror. The soft glow of the candles accentuated her features. Her face was scrubbed clean of any traces of make-up from earlier in the evening. Her eyes looked crystal clear and alarmingly innocent, but red-rimmed and filled with anguish.

I wanted to turn around, tell her everything was fine. That everything was going to be alright.

But instead, she brought her hands up to my shoulders, still peeking at me through her thick lashes as she shed my soiled jacket from my body, “I’m sorry for anything and everything I did to you tonight.”
Her voice was low and husky. She continued, as she made her way to face me, tossing my jacket to the side at my feet. My gaze locked on her beautiful robed figure as she continued, “Please forgive me. I don’t know what I would do if you didn’t forgive me.”

Her hands pulled at the damp white dress shirt that clung to my chest.

“I forgive you.” I whispered placing my lips onto her forehead. My hands on her covered forearms.

She’s shaking.

Her fingers quivered as she slowly fumbled through the buttons of the shirt.

I wanted to stop her, but I almost couldn’t. I didn’t know what to do.

Hold her. Stop her. Kiss her. Make love to her. Stop her. Let her keep talking.

I went with the latter. I had to hear what she wanted to say. She was hurting and the only way she would be alright is if she purged herself.

I could begin to make out the silver tears that streamed freely down her cheeks through the soft glow, “We made love one time, Jacob and I. After our second date.”

My whole body tightened in anger at the sound of his name. This was hard for me to hear as she undressed me, but I knew I had to hear it. I knew she had a story to tell. And if this was the only way she could tell it, I would listen.

I was her pillar of strength.

“About a week later, I got sick. I had never been sick a day in my life. Not like that. I didn’t look different, but I felt different. As one week of being sick turned into three…four…five…then no period. I put two and two together. I was in denial for about a day. The doctor said all signs pointed to the obvious. I didn’t have to wait for the rabbit to die though. I knew. My body knew.”

She wouldn’t look me in the eye as my damp dress shirt fell to my feet.

Her hands began to tremble uncontrollably as she pulled my undershirt from the confines of my trousers.

“Bella, please, you don’t have to do this,” I pleaded attempting to hold her shaking hands within my own. I didn’t know if I could handle hearing anymore.

This isn’t about you, Cullen.

Bella looked up at me, locking my gaze with hers, “I told Jacob. He was elated, you know? He proposed. I didn’t think I had an option. We got married three weeks and four days later. Jacob felt the sooner the better, so the public wouldn’t suspect…he said, so they wouldn’t think I was a tramp.”

Nice work, Jacob. Calling your future wife a tramp.

Emotion rocked through my core, I couldn’t keep it together. A single tear escaped my eye, falling strategically onto the pale skin of her quivering hand.

The tear represented so much…my anger at Jacob, my pain for Isabella, my concern for my own fucking sanity.

Way to be her pillar of strength, Cullen.

Bella continued, sniffing twice, “I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to be with him. I wanted you. I wanted it to be your child. I wanted it to be us. So when I lost the baby, a week after the wedding, the two weeks you didn’t see or hear from me, I felt like…God was punishing me. I felt as though I willed the baby away. Like God said, your wish is my command Isabella. POOF! And that was that. It was over.”

Her hands rested on my chest. Her whole body was shaking now, like a dead leaf hanging to the last shreds of its life, blowing at the mercy of a Santa Ana windstorm. I wrapped my arms around her, stroking her wet hair as she cried all the tears of pain she had suppressed over the past six months.

“I wasn’t ready to have a baby, Edward. And I didn’t want it to be Jacob’s.” she sobbed into my shoulder.

My heart ached for her. With every tear that fell from her eyes, another hairline crack would fracture my heart.

“I’m a terrible person, Edward. I’m a selfish, terrible person.”

“Don’t ever say that Isabella.” I said in a firm, but loving voice. She couldn’t allow herself to think that way.

It’s not right for her to take the blame. An unfortunate set of circumstances. That’s all it was.

“And than, when I saw Grace standing there with you tonight, it was a perfect opportunity to end something that still had yet to begin. It was an open window that would save you any pain or any regret that you may have to endure in the future. Little did I know, we had already started this way before last night...and you know when Jacob comes back…” She trailed off as if letting the thought sink in.

I knew when Jacob came back, things would get…sticky.

How far will Jacob go to keep her?

Bella looked back into my eyes, “And I tried. I tried to convince myself it was best to…to…to leave-” her chest heaved as fresh sobs began to overtake her.

“But when I saw you sitting there in the mud…when I call you a pig…you came after me. In my head, as soon as I called you a pig, like Jacob, I thought, ‘Ok, if he comes after me, I’ll stay, but if he doesn’t say anything, I’ll leave’. But when I turned to face you…you were so…so…angry. I had never seen you look at me that way. My heart shattered into a million pieces. You were mad and you were....” she trailed off.

“Hurt.” I simply stated.

“Yes, you were hurt. Like I had hit you with a ton of bricks. I wasn’t sure how to react. It wasn’t right of me to feel the jealousy and it sure as hell wasn’t right of me to feel…to feel…”

“Love.” I replied sighing. I knew exactly how she felt.

“I mean how could I love you and feel all that emotion after just one day? I mean, that’s crazy, right? One day. You said yourself, Edward. One day and I felt like you belonged to me. Like I owned you.”

“Like you belonged with me.” I brought my hand to her chin, pulling her face up to mine. She was strong, yet so fucking vulnerable.

Like porcelain. Hard on the outside. So sure of herself, yet so fragile…so breakable on the inside.

Bella began to speak again, but I brought my finger to her lips, “Shhh…you are not a terrible person, Isabella.”

“I willed it away, Edward. I killed--”

“No,” I replied in the same gentle, but stern voice. I brought my hands to the side of her face, than began to plant gentle kisses all over her swollen cheeks. Through slight whispers I continued, “You are the most courageous, selfless, beautiful person in the world, my Bella.”

Her shaking body began to relax as I kissed her pain away, one tear at a time, “I love you. We belong together. We will get through this.”

“Oh Edward, I’m sorry,” she breathed as her hands began to trace the curves of my hard pectoral muscles.

“I’m sorry, Isabella.” I breathed into her mouth as my lips caressed hers. Her hands slipped around my neck. She began to massage small circles into the nape of my neck with her fingertips.

“What’s wrong with our moral compasses, Edward?” She chuckled lightly through her tears.

“Nothing. We are just two maladjusted misfits that got segued by stupidity,” I replied through my series of kisses down her neck. I kicked off my muddy shoes, as her normally sure-speed hands, now stilled, fell from around my neck and landed at my waist. She began to pull at my trousers.

“This…this information…does this change things, Edward?” she breathed, a slight nervous twitter still evident in her voice.

“It doesn’t change anything, Bella. You are still the same beautiful soul that was with me last night, and this morning, and this afternoon. The same soul who I fell in love with a year ago. The same soul who is…”

Kiss.

“Courageous.”

Kiss.

“Sexy.”

Kiss.

“Loving.”

Kiss.

“And fucking brilliant.”

Kiss.

I pulled at the ties of her robe.

Now I would take her away into some alternate reality where Jacob, the pregnancy, and Hollywood didn’t exist. A place where it was just us. Like in my backyard.

She stepped away from me, disrobed and slipped into the heat of the water. She sank into the warmth of the tub, resting a beautiful leg on the rim.

And now, she was ready to be taken.

I shed my muddy slacks, stepped with ginger footing into the tub, and sank my body between her legs, facing her, sitting my ass onto the thick slick porcelain of the tub. As I laid back into the heat of the tub, I noticed Bella’s semblance regaining more of her confident attributes once again.

As if the tears shed on my shoulder were her insecurities falling away.

She grabbed the bar of soap next to her, lathered up her hands and brought them to my foot that lay resting over the side of the tub. She began to massage it lovingly. “For the next two weeks I want to get to know you, Edward. I want you to get to know me. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Everything we do here, in this room, in this hotel, is between us.”

“I wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else in the world.” Her fingers began to make small circles in the arch of my foot.

“We are checking out of Hollywood for two weeks.”

“That’s what I’ve been told. By you and by Andrew, downstairs.” My grin grew wider as she made her way up my calf.

Goddamn, that feels so good.

“I want to know everything. I want to know about your needs, your wants, your desires…your fantasies….your fears, your nightmares, your diseased issues with life. Good or bad, I want to hear it. I want to feel it.”

“You may not like what goes through my head.” I replied with a hint of a smile still playing at the corners of my mouth.

“You will not like some of the things I have to say, Edward.” Her massage began to make my balls ache.

“Are we going to have issues?” I rested my wet arms over the side of the tub, raising an eyebrow skyward.

“Don’t you think our relationship is wrought with issues already?” She laughed softly.

“I think every relationship has issues, Bella. Ours is just a little more complicated than most.” I laughed a little at that statement.

Complicated? Is that what you’re calling it these days? You’re diseased, Cullen.

Bella sighed with a smile playing her lips, “For now, complications don’t exist.” She shimmied herself up against me, her firm ass pressing up against my groin, the smooth, slick skin of her back pressed up against my chest.

I was hard in an instant.

“Tell me,” I said, letting my hands travel down her arms under the water. Bella spread her legs, propping each one over opposite sides of the tub as she leaned into me. I let my hands wander shamelessly over her slick thighs.

“I love you, Edward Cullen.” Her hands traveled up to my face, pulling me down to the curve of her neck. I picked up a floating rose petal, tracing it down the gentle slope of her neck.

“I love the way your whole body tenses in anticipation when I touch you.” Her hands slid down to my muscled thighs. She began to massage them with slow deliberate strokes with her thumbs. Bella’s touch was magnified tenfold under the warm blanket of water that covered us. It was like I was drowning in a world of my lover’s ecstasy.

I wasn’t sure how long we were just sitting there, touching and massaging each other. Her back towards me. Her breathing slow and enchanting.

But time had stopped for us.

I could have sat there and talked to her about the might-have-been’s or the could-have’s or the what if’s, but when she was this close to me, nothing else mattered.

Everything disappeared. Jacob, Hollywood, the world…gone.

I realized she was my everything. She was all that I was, and all that I would ever be. She made me the man I was right now and the man I wanted to be in the future. Nothing else mattered.

Bella spoke, her voice as relaxed as her body was, “I love the way you sigh and tell me how much you love me.”

Rose petals continuously bobbed around us, like a river of passion, as my hands cupped both of her breasts simultaneously. She let her head fall back onto my shoulder.

“Mmmmm…I love the way you touch me, Edward. Only you can touch me like this.”

She rubbed her bottom softly up against my shaft. A thousand volts of electricity pulsed through me as she seductively teased my length, bobbing up and down in the water as I played with her breasts.

“You’re my everything, Isabella. I want you to be mine forever.” I whispered into her ear.

“I am yours forever, Edward.” She cooed as she turned to face me. She stood up in the tub and stepped out before I could protest.

She held her hand out for me. I took it and hoisted myself out of the water. The candlelight cast a beautiful glow against her wet body. She brought her hand to my face and stroked my cheek.

“I am yours forever.” She repeated. Her hand dropped down to mine. We padded our way through the expansive suite towards the bedroom. She stopped at the foot of the bed, and turned towards me. Moonlight filtered through the large window, making her look like an exquisite porcelain doll.

So vulnerable.

I brought my hands to her face, pushing the wet tendrils away with a gentle hand. My lips came down to hers in a soft whisper. My tongue explored every plush crevice of her mouth, as she reciprocated my movements. It was like we were allowed to explore each other for the first time.

Uninhibited.

No time constraints. No worries about whether or not someone would walk in. No one to say what was right and wrong. No one to tell us how wrong this was.

I laid Bella down on the bed, letting my hands drink in every curve, every slope of wet flesh on her body.

My hands hovered over her abdomen.

What if her belly was filled with my child?

“What if…” I said, my hands fluttering over the beautiful alabaster skin. I bent my head towards her belly button and began to explore the supple skin with my lips. Goose bumps began to form with every warm breath I breathed. Her breathing became ragged with each pass of my lips.

Would we give up everything to be a family?

“What if,” I began again, not knowing whether or not I should say it out loud, making my thoughts known to her.

Holy hell, what am I saying?

My wants. My needs. My desires.

Did she really want to know what was going on in my head? What I was thinking?

“What if it were you?” she asked in a whisper, completing my unsaid thought.

“What if it was my baby?” I said delicately placing those soft eyelash kisses around her stomach.

It’s out there now, Cullen.

I didn’t have to look at her face. Her voice said it all.

“I would give up the world.” She said an obvious smile on her lips. She ran a fingernail down my shoulder blade, sending chills down my spine.

With those words, I was overcome with an overzealous need to complete her. Everything in me ached to be one with her. I stopped and looked into her eyes, shining bright, like shooting stars across the black sky of night.

“I told you, Edward. I am yours forever. I feel it in my soul…in my…” her breathing hitched as I slid into her warm pool, “…my heart. I will leave everything I know in this life to be with you. Only you.”

She completed me in every aspect.

My life. My body. My soul.

As I felt her lovely body shudder around me, bringing on my own release, I could conclude only one thing: every future frame of my life included Bella.